While my problems with dating (or rather: not dating) gave me a lot of pain, they also prompted me to put a lot of effort into developing social skills in general.Sure, there is no shortage of Internet dating advice.Some great minds consider this problem notoriously hard: How to help all the young male nerds I meet who suffer from [the dating] problem, in a way that passes feminist muster, and that triggers the world’s sympathy rather than outrage[?] I believe that, just as there are shy, nerdy men, there are also shy, nerdy women, who likewise suffer from feeling unwanted, sexually invisible, or ashamed to express their desires. :) I spiked it with numerous references, so even if you fine with dating, you may find a few interesting links (I am an unabashed link hoarder). Ideally, I would send it to my younger self (say, 15-25yo - the sooner the better), so as to be spared a lot of unnecessary emotional pain, feelings of loneliness, rejection and isolation. Most people struggle with it at some point, not only nerds. At the same time, the bar is not so high - all you need is to get a bit of understanding of yourself, your body, other people and dating dynamics.For dating it may be even more treacherous - here you are not at a big advantage to start with.It seems that data support it: By the age of 19, 80% of US males and 75% of women have lost their virginity, and 87% of college students have had sex.But, well, I actually want to help people, so it is wiser to think about a wider (not-empty! A lot of this content might be useful for other groups (gender, sexual orientation, level of nerdiness). By putting in some conscious effort you will get ahead of most men!
You don’t need to have your favourite equation or a comic book!
It is a soft, opinionated and personal matter, inadvertently revealing my secrets and vulnerabilities. But I see the profound change from something being frustrating to a field where I feel well.
And I would like to share some lessons I’ve learned in the process, often the hard way.
At the same time, overthinking and being a disembodied brain on a stick makes dating much harder.
Don’t get me wrong - witty humour and an extensive vocabulary may help a lot, as well as some possible side-effects (such as good social standing or popularity). Your intellect makes some of tasks way easier, but one of the key Smart Guy Productivity Pitfalls is to use it in lieu of effort.